Newly Single and Gay

Mario calls a friend for support as he deals with internalized homophobia.

For all videos:

  • What did you see in the video?
  • What do you think this video was about?
  • What stood out to you the most in this video?

For this video:

  • What do you think about Mario’s friend, Selene? Is she a good friend? Why or why not?
  • Who were the other people in the video apart from Selene and Mario? What did they say about LGBTQ+ identity? Have you seen people say these things about LGBTQ+ people before?
  • What are some other questions Mario could/should have asked his partner?
  • How did Mario deal with the judgmental voices in his head?
  • How does the media portray LGBTQ+ identity? Is it positive or negative?

Materials needed: blue, orange, red, and purple paper stars

Step 2.
Let each person pick either a BLUE, ORANGE, RED, or PURPLE star and then read the following to them:

Imagine that this star represents your world, with you in the center and those things or people most important to you at each point of the star. We’ll begin by writing your name in the center of the star, making it your very own! Then, pick a side of the star to begin with. Choose a friend who is very close to you. Someone you care about very much. A best friend or a close friend, it doesn’t matter. Write their name on this point of the star. Next, think of a community that you belong to. It could be a religious community, your neighborhood, a club or sports team, or just a group of friends. Take the name of this group that you are a part of and write it on the next point of the star moving clockwise (if the group doesn’t have a name, make one up!). Now, think of a specific family member. Someone that you have always turned to for advice or maybe who knows how to cheer you up when you’re sad. A mother, father, aunt, or uncle… any family member who has made a large impact in your life. Please write their name on the next point of the star. Now, what job would you most like to have? It could be anything from president to dentist. Whatever your career aspiration is, write it on the next point. Lastly, what are some of your hopes and dreams? Maybe you want to be hugely successful in your career, maybe you want to travel the world. Think of a few of your hopes and dreams and write them on the last side of your star.

Step 2.
Have everyone stand up in a circle. Explain that each person is now LGBTQ+ and each are about to begin their coming out process. Tell them that they cannot talk for the rest of this activity. Read the following to them:

You decide that it will be easiest to tell your friends first, since they have always been there for you in the past and you feel they need to know.

  • If you have a BLUE star, your friend has no problem with it. They thank you for being honest with them. Luckily, they act no differently toward you and accept you for who you are.
  • If you have an ORANGE or PURPLE star, your friends are kind of hesitant. They are a little irritated that you have waited so long to tell them, but you are confident that soon they will understand that being LGBTQ+ is just a part of who you are … you just need to give them some time. Please fold back this side of your star.
  • If you have a RED star, you are met with anger and disgust. This friend who has been by your side in the past tells you that being LGBTQ+ is wrong and they can’t associate with anyone like that. If you have a red star, please tear off this point and drop it to the ground, this friend is no longer a part of your life.

With most of you having such good luck with your friends, you decide that your family probably deserves to know. So, you turn to your closest family member first so that it will be a little easier.

  • If you have a PURPLE star, the conversation does not go exactly how you planned. Several questions are asked as to how this could have happened, but after some lengthy discussion, this person who is close to you seems a little more at ease with it. Fold this side of your star back, as they will be an ally, but only with time.
  • If you have a BLUE star, you are embraced by this family member. They are proud that you have decided to come out and let you know that they will always be there to support you.
  • If you have an ORANGE or RED star, your family member rejects the thought of being related to a person who is LGBTQ+. Much like your friend, they reject you and some of you are thrown out of your house or even disowned. You are now part of the 42% of homeless youth who identify as LGBTQ+. If you have an orange or red star, please tear off this side and drop it to the ground.

Having told your friends and family, the wheels have started to turn and soon members of your community begin to become aware of your sexual orientation.

  • If you have a PURPLE or BLUE star, your sexual orientation is accepted by your community. They continue to embrace you like anyone else and together you celebrate the growing diversity in your community.
  • If you have an ORANGE star, you are met with a mixed response. Some accept you and some don’t know what to think. You remain a part of the community, and with time, will fit in as you once did. If you have an orange star, please fold back this side.
  • If you have a RED star, your community reacts with hatred. They tell you that someone like you doesn’t belong in their community. Those who had supported you in your times of need no longer speak to you or acknowledge you. If you have a red star, tear this side off and drop it to the ground.

You have heard that rumors have started circulating at work regarding your sexual orientation.

  • If you have a BLUE star, your coworkers begin to approach you and let you know that they have heard the rumors and that they don’t care, they will support you. Your bosses react the same way letting you know that you do good work and that’s all that matters.
  • If you have a PURPLE star, your workplace has become quite interesting.

Everyone seems to think that you are LGBTQ+, even though you haven’t mentioned it to anyone or confirmed any of the rumors. Some people speak to you less, but the environment has not seemed to change too drastically.

  • If you have a purple star, please fold back this side.
  • If you have a RED or ORANGE star, you continue to work as though nothing is happening, ignoring the rumors that have spread throughout your workplace.

One day, you come in to find that your office has been packed up. You are called into your boss’s office and she explains that you are being fired. When you ask why, she tells you that lately, your work has been less than satisfactory and that she had to make some cutbacks in your area.

  • If you have a red or orange star, please tear off this side and drop it to the ground.

Now, your future lies ahead of you as LGBTQ+. Your hopes and dreams, your wishes for the perfect life…for some of you these are all that remain.

  • If you have a PURPLE, BLUE, or ORANGE star, these hopes and dreams are what keep you going. Most of you have been met with some sort of rejection since beginning your coming out process, but you have managed to continue to live a happy and healthy life. Your personal hopes and dreams become a reality.
  • If you have a RED star, you fall into despair. You have been met with rejection after rejection and you find it impossible to accomplish your lifelong goals without the support and love of your community. You become…?

Step 3.
Ask students to fill in the possibilities here. Ask them to state scenarios that a person here can find themselves in (homelessness, depression, suicidal ideation, etc.). Back up this discussion with the statistics previously mentioned. Also, encourage them to think about where a person can still find supportive resources such as student clubs, local support groups, hotlines, and websites.

Step 4.
Ask each student to write a report on a local or national LGBTQ+ support service. Have students come up in front of class and share their resource, and what services they provide. Explain to them that, although coming out can be scary and hard, there are many different supportive services locally and nationwide that can help.

(Adapted from Jeff Pierce, USC)

Materials needed: shoe pair templates, real pair of shoes, card stock, art supplies

Step 1.
Write this idiom on the board: “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.” Ask the class questions like: Have you ever heard this before? What do you think it means? Accept a variety of answers as you have a dialogue with them. Make sure they understand that this phrase simply encourages us to practice empathy; that is, before judging someone, you must understand their experiences, challenges, thought processes, etc.

Step 2.
Tell students that they will all share something about their lives that has been challenging/difficult but they’ve been able to overcome or are trying to overcome; maybe something that another person wouldn’t know about them just by looking at them. Remind them that most people struggle with different things that are out of our control, but that it’s awful to be judged, discriminated, or excluded because of them. Everyone deserves to be understood, supported and respected. When we don’t receive support, empathy, and compassion, it pushes many to experience negative feelings and actions that can lead to more serious things such as depression and suicidal ideation.

Step 3.
To share their obstacles, create a shoe display for a Museum of Resiliency Exhibit/Gallery that students, parents, faculty, and staff will be invited to tour. Each student must decide which kind of shoe they wish to use for their display: a real pair of shoes they own, a pair they have drawn using the template, or a pair they have created out of their own materials.

Step 4.
On the left shoe, they must write or attach small signs that describe a couple life challenges they’ve faced and overcame/are overcoming. Encourage them to include how each of those challenges affected them and what they learned from it (about the world and themselves). On the right shoe, they must write or attach a small sign that describes an ally/allies that has helped them overcome their challenges. Encourage them to write the name/age of this ally and a description of their qualities/characteristics that have made them an ally.

Materials needed: large flip chart, markers

Step 1.
Create two separate lists on a giant Post-It paper or on the board. Title one list “Masculinity” and the other “Femininity,” then write the alphabet going down in order all the way to Z on each list.

Step 2.
Have students form two even groups. Assign each group to a Post-It note, and have them get in a line in front of their assigned list.

Step 3.
They will have three minutes to fill each letter with a word that is related to their list, either to “Masculinity” or “Femininity” (it may be necessary to first define gender and the concepts of masculinity and femininity). The first person in the line will go first, adding a word that starts with A and then moving to the end of the line. Then the next person will go and add a word for the letter B and then go to the end of the line. This will continue until all the letters are filled out. If one person cannot think of a word, they can either pass and give their marker to the next person, or they can ask their group for help.

Step 4.
The first group to finish wins; however, the other group will still get the opportunity to finish. Congratulate both groups for participating.

Step 5.
Have each group read aloud their list. Allow the students to have a discussion based on this activity, by prompting: “Did you have any reactions to this activity? What did you notice? What are the similarities and differences between the lists? Other comments?”

Step 6.
If there is time, have everyone pull out a piece of paper and a pencil or pen. Have them do a free-write with the following prompts:

  • When was the first time you were gendered?
  • When was the first time your assigned gender role limited or didn’t allow you to be your full true self?
  • What messages did you receive as a result of your assumed gender? Why?What was the impact of those messages?

Materials needed: Chair as “hot seat,” paper, pen

Step 1.
Ask for student volunteers to take the hot seat as they play the role of the mother, doctor, or friend. Place one chair in the middle or front of the room.

Step 2.
Give students a chance to think of a few questions they would want to ask. Allow students to take turns asking the person in the “hot seat” questions about their conduct towards Mario. Volunteers should stick to their character and insist on having and saying homophobic ideas.

Step 3.
Give students a chance to ask questions/grill that person without attacking/being disrespectful, but rather forcing them to think about how their mentality/actions affect others.